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March 1, 2008 / missknowitall

He Should Have Married His Mother

Dear Little Miss,
My husband is so blinded by his mother that it seems he cannot recognize right from wrong when it comes to defending her (no wonder he is a Liar! I mean a Lawyer.  Hee hee). This upsets me a lot because anything good I do is wiped out in  a second if I show displeasure with anything his mother says or does. And my MIL takes advantage of this all the time. I don’t know how to deal with these kind of situations and end up fighting with him, even hating him at times, when he is relentlessly defending her no matter how it harms our relationship. What do I do to save my relationship because now its not just the two of us who’s lives are at stake now that I have a year old daughter to think of.
Please HELP with a practical solution
Suffering DIL
Dear Suffering,
Have you tried to have an open and honest discussion about this with your husband?  Sometimes men don’t really see what they are doing to their wives, and often they are simply taking the easy way out of situations rather than the right one.  Here are some questions you can ask your husband in such a conversation:
Do you feel that you mother is the ruling woman in this family, or me?
Is there a reason why you seem to prefer your mother’s decisions and opinions over mine?
Are you willing to let me be the leading and respected woman in things that pertain to our home and our family?
Would you be ok if I were to defer to my father, in all matters, over you the way that you are doing with your mother over me?
If your husband decides to be stubborn, or he refuses to see that there is even an issue, you might try just a little sarcastic acquiescence, though I urge caution in doing so.  If you do what I’m about to suggest I ask that you do it without malice, with loving humor, and do it to help him understand, and not to punish him (otherwise he will be able to make you seem like the “bad person” and that is NOT what you are trying to make him think!)  If your husband really wants your mother in law to run the household you should let her.  When your husband asks what is for dinner tell him that you are not sure because your mother in law hasn’t told you what to make yet.  When he asks you a question call his mother to get the answer.  Get the idea?  And be sure to follow any advice from your MIL that your husband is sure to dislike.  This may finally get him to realize that he can’t have it both ways.  He can either have a mommy or a wife to run his home.  After so many calls to your MIL and so many inconveniences to him while you wait for MIL’s answer he may finally realize that supporting YOU will be the easier option in life.
Hoping your man gets wise,
Miss Knowitall
February 27, 2008 / missknowitall

Trying to Unify Teenage Girls

Dear Little Miss,
I have been recently assigned to work with a group of girls from ages 16-18.  I’m just a rookie in this area, and not much older than they are.  The adult leader of the group asked that I try to build unity among them.  We have girls that are so different!  In particular, I’m concerned about the ones that are mean or negative to the other girls and then exclude themselves when the other girls don’t like it.  I am trying to get to know each of the girls on a personal level, but some just shut me out.  Many of the girls are ready to move on, but I got specific instructions asking me to try to get them to hang on with the rest of the girls.  What can I do to get everyone together (to show up to events) and try to build unity?
Directionless Leader
Dear Leader,
Oh-boy, you’ve got a tough job ahead of you.  Teenage girls are usually one big boiling mass of misunderstanding.  Not only do they feel totally misunderstood by everyone, they misunderstand the world around them, what is going inside their bodies and their minds, and they tend to misunderstand every kind action by a well meaning adult.  Don’t loose hope, though.  They may act like they are ignoring you but they are hearing everything you say and will remember it for years to come.  The important part is to love them without trying to change them.  Try highlighting things that each girl does, especially in any area that she enjoys.  If one girl is into dying her hair crazy colors let her teach a mini class on hair products and the dos and don’ts she has learned.  If another girl is into art, let her teach a small art class.  Or if one just likes to watch movies have her teach about that.  Showing that you are honestly interested in them for being who they are will make them feel more at ease with you.  AND, by setting such an example they may possibly be more willing to value the other girls in their group for their differences as well.  Most important is to not take their actions personally when they offend you.  Keep it real and have a very forgiving sense of humor.  Teenage girls will push any button they can find to try to make you fit into whatever mold they’ve already put you in.  Be one of the very few, if only, adults they will meet that can hold onto their own standards and ideals while appreciating and valuing those of others.  And to get them to come to events call and offer a ride if possible and make sure their parents know about the event.
Good luck!  You are going to need it!
=)
Miss Knowitall
January 20, 2008 / missknowitall

White Lies And The FBI

Dear Little Miss,
I have a 15 year old son who has always wanted to have a career in
the FBI.  This has been great, because he’s kept his grades up and
his reputation clean so that he can qualify when he is old
enough.  However, last weekend he was with a bunch of friends at the
mall.  You know how boys are – “I dare you,” “chicken,” etc. and
before he knew it, he was Read more…
January 3, 2008 / missknowitall

Parents vs. In-Laws

Dear Little Miss,
I am pregnant.  My parents live across the country.  They plan to visit a week before my due date and stay for a few weeks after the baby is born.  The problem is that my mother in law hates my mother and tends to act like she is THE mother and grandmother.  My mother has no idea that my husband’s mother feels this way.  Neither mom has much tact.  How do we spend time with both sets of parents, while maintaining family unity and sanity at this time in our lives?  This is such a stressful time, that we don’t want any added problems.  Do we try to keep them separate?  Ask my mother in law to be nice, since she is a big part of the problem?  Help!
Dear Parent Mediator,
Congrats on the pregnancy.  While I hope you realize how lucky you are to have two mothers ready to help you, I totally understand the problems you are anticipating.  Mom’s and mother in-laws are like bleach and Read more…
December 29, 2007 / missknowitall

Diet Control Through The Holidays

Dear Little Miss,
I need your help.  I have worked really hard all year to loose weight and get in shape.  After loosing over 50 pounds I am now only 20 pounds away from reaching my goal weight of 150 pounds.  My problem is that I have been slipping up a lot over the holidays.  My family and friends have been very supportive of me this whole time, helping me stay away from fast food, not asking me to eat seconds, running with me, etc.  As soon as the Holidays started, though, they all started saying things like, “it’s only once a year, you deserve a break, it’s Christmas, it’s tradition, you’ve been so good for so long, just try one, yadda, yadda”.  Before I knew it I had Read more…
December 20, 2007 / missknowitall

Pregnant Girlfriend Is Pushing Me Away

Ok, ok, ok.  I have received so many letters from boyfriends and fiances who’s pregnant girlfriends are pushing them away.  There are so many of them, and they are all so similar that I have decided to just answer all of them in bulk.  Sorry if that makes it impersonal but I can only give the same answer so many times. 

 Here is the basic story.  Boy and girl meet, sleep together, maybe even move in together.  Girl finds out she is pregnant and is lucky enough to be with a guy who thinks it is great and only loves her more for it.  Then girl starts pulling away and says she isn’t sure about the relationship any longer.  Boy tries hard to please her and take care of her.  Girl just gets upset and pushes boy even further away.  Boy writes to Miss Knowitall asking why and what to do.

Dear BOY,

As I said to Mr. Loving, just because a girl says she will be your girlfriend or move in with you does NOT mean she has Read more…

December 13, 2007 / missknowitall

Surviving Overnight Holiday Visits

Dear Little Miss,
This year for Christmas, we are staying with my husband’s family.  I love his family so much!  But, I don’t enjoy staying at their house.  The room that we stay in smells like Read more…

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