Dear Little Miss,
I am newly married, and to add on to that, my wife and I are expecting our
first child (which is great, and a blessing). As you well know, with
pregnancy comes sickness. My wife gets sick a lot. She throws up, has sinus
congestion, fatigue, and emotional spasms. She will get all depressed, and
wonder if it is worth it, and get so upset and feel that it is all hopeless.
I know it is only the emotions talking, since I know she doesn’t really feel
that way, and gets better. So I query, what can I, as an unknowing husband
do, to make her as comfortable as possible. I want her to be at as ease as
she can, yet I know it is a growing time for her, and I shouldn’t baby her.
Like with any human, or animal, you can only help so much before it hinders.
So what can I do to be the best help to my wife?
Signed, MAN
Dear MAN,
It sounds like you are a very sensitive and caring hubby. But, just to make sure you have a full understanding of what is going on inside your wife’s head right now I want you to play a little mind game with me. Have you ever been tired or exhausted and, as a result, said, or did things that you regretted? Have you ever been sick and felt like you would rather have the earth swallow you up, than have to take another breath? Have you ever felt like your parents, boss, or your friends expected too much of you and you wished they would all just leave you alone? I’m sure you’ve felt all these at various times in your life, but they were likely (and hopefully), very short moments in your life. Now, imagine having all those feelings going on at the same time, continuously, for 9 months, plus another year after that. Now add in a total inability to control your body, from urination, and sexual desires, to crying. And add to all of this the fact that you are expected to be happy through it all because you are about to have a baby. I’m sure that there is no way that you could over love and over care for you sweety at this time. In fact, if you try to “toughen her up a bit” she may show more exaggerated emotions in an attempt to make you understand her pain (have you ever coughed or sneezed a little louder just to make sure that others knew how sick you were?). I suggest that you give this woman all the love and support you can. Now I know men need clear instructions, so here are some quick tips for some of the common concerns of pregnancy (And when I say “DON’T”, I really mean “Not ever, under any circumstances!”).
If you are worried about:
Her weight or eating habits
DON’T even mention it. I can guarantee that if you bring it up it will become worse out of sadness, rebellion, and hurt.
DO make her healthy meals, do the shopping for her, take her out on walking dates or to go swimming.
Her emotions
DON’T ignore her, get frustrated with her, try to talk her out of it, or say “it’s just because you are pregnant”.
DO hold her, listen to her, tell her that she has every right to feel the way she does, praise her for going through all this for the sake of your child.
Her laziness
DON’T complain, tease her about it, or get upset… EVER. you may be allowed to discuss household concerns after the baby is 1.
DO clean for her at least one thing a day on a rotating basis. ie: do the laundry on Monday, wash the dishes on Tuesday, clean the bedroom on Wednesday, pick up and do all the vacuuming on Thursday, and mop the kitchen on Friday. Trust me, it takes too long to explain why this is magic. Oh, and bring home a bouquet of flowers and put them in a nice vase in the middle of the kitchen table at least once a month.
Her lack of hygiene
DON’T complain, avoid her, or slack off on yours.
DO, tell her she is beautiful every day. Get her out of the house, give her a reason to shower and dress. Take her to buy a lovely, new outfit at least once during the 7th month of pregnancy, and once when the baby is 3-5 months old.
Wishing you both a Happy Parenthood!
Miss Knowitall
iamemilyshaw said
wow … wish I had you around about 7 years ago when i was the pregnant wife and my husband was asking this very question … i’d have sent him a link, printed your list and posted it on the mirror in the bathroom and emailed him a copy to have on his desktop as a reminder! this is the best ‘how to deal with a pregnant wife’ advise i’ve read in a LONG time!
zizi said
these are just the best advices any man can ever get…but can any man be such a considerate husband …some times i think they just can`t feel the way we feel ..they just cann`t…it`s not in there DNA !! they may do for some time but not all the time i think…. they simply cann`t feel the way we feel when we are pregnant…they think it`s natural and shouldn`t be that bad…they cann`t feel how much we need them in this time….no one else…only them..every word..look..touch…every thing matters…may be am little bit emotinalbecause am pregnant now…about 13 weeks…after 5 miscarriges.. and am little bit emotional…but that`s what i feel now..that they cann`t feel how much we need them in these haaaard moments ,even if we put reminders every where…i`ll give it a try… and see if he will realy feel me and understand me??…i really hope that..thanks again for your toutching words…
Missybea said
Wow that was great. I came across this on line today because I am very frustrated with my husband right now. I am 24 weeks prenant after 2 misscarriages and I feel like I am getting nothing from him. He does not understand why I am tired, why I cant do his every bidding even on my day off. How do you explain to a man that even on my “day off” I am still growing a whole person!!! He has a really bad tooth ache right now and I am suppose to drop everything in life to get him an appointment to get it fixed. I feel bad because he is in a lot of pain, but where is my understanding when I am having a bad day. Where is his drop everything when I feel scared and parts of my body hurt that I did not know I had. Well I have printed your reply to “MAN” and I hope he can get something from it.
Geoffrey said
I laugh, as I am in the same boat as MAN – just married and expecting our first on Valentines Day. This was a God-sent…thanks very much for the advice and insight!
My wife is 34 weeks along and absolutely miserable: sinus issues, joint pains, constipation issues, aches, pains, fatigue, inability to sleep, zero interest in food, heartburn, nausea, zero interest in intimacy, crabby, fluctuating hormones, daughter playing ping-pong with her innards…I think that more or less wraps it up. She is more than ready to be done being pregnant and has no issues saying so.
I think that she has been so miserable for so long that these last six weeks seem like they will never end, and that is wearing her down. I have tried to be as supporting as possible, but is it very hard to help somebody when there is really nothing that you can do, apart from distracting her for a little while. That is probably where most of my disposition comes from – a horrid feeling of helplessness.
As we are currently looking at another 6 inches of snow, I doubt that a shopping trip will work this evening, but perhaps an evening of Daddy cleaning house and Mommy enjoying some quality programming on Lifetime and enjoying some warm soup…
Thanks very much and a Happy New Year to you all!
Mallorie said
I definately think that all men should read this! I am currently 6.5 months along, and my emotions are over the top. I have never felt so many things at once, and I can’t seem to handle them, which throws me into constant breakdowns. My boyfriend dealt really well with it at first, but now it seems like he is just annoyed, and that just tends to make my breakdowns even worse! I know that it isn’t his fault that I am so emotional, but I can’t help it either. This is also my boyfriends third child. He has two from a previous marriage, but his ex-wife didn’t have emotions as bad as I do, so he thinks that I am just out of my mind. haha. He doesn’t understand that every pregnancy is different, and this is my first, so he needs to be cooperative with me. Like I said in the beginning, all expecting fathers, whether new dads or daddy veterans, should read this to keep them up to date. Thank You!
RONNIE MORGAN NSEREKO said
Hi there thanks for wonderful info for us under going this situation really i have been so much tough on my lovely not knowing its terrible for her on one side or the other surely i hope n promise to take this on .thanks