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May 21, 2007 / missknowitall

What Should I Do About My Pregnant Wife?

Dear Little Miss,
I am newly married, and to add on to that, my wife and I are expecting our
first child (which is great, and a blessing). As you well know, with
pregnancy comes sickness. My wife gets sick a lot. She throws up, has sinus
congestion, fatigue, and emotional spasms. She will get all depressed, and
wonder if it is worth it, and get so upset and feel that it is all hopeless.
I know it is only the emotions talking, since I know she doesn’t really feel
that way, and gets better. So I query, what can I, as an unknowing husband
do, to make her as comfortable as possible. I want her to be at as ease as
she can, yet I know it is a growing time for her, and I shouldn’t baby her.
Like with any human, or animal, you can only help so much before it hinders.
So what can I do to be the best help to my wife?
Signed, MAN

Dear MAN,

It sounds like you are a very sensitive and caring hubby.  But, just to make sure you have a full understanding of what is going on inside your wife’s head right now I want you to play a little mind game with me.  Have you ever been tired or exhausted and, as a result, said, or did things that you regretted?  Have you ever been sick and felt like you would rather have the earth swallow you up, than have to take another breath?  Have you ever felt like your parents, boss, or your friends expected too much of you and you wished they would all just leave you alone?  I’m sure you’ve felt all these at various times in your life, but they were likely (and hopefully), very short moments in your life.  Now, imagine having all those feelings going on at the same time, continuously, for 9 months, plus another year after that.  Now add in a total inability to control your body, from urination, and sexual desires, to crying.  And add to all of this the fact that you are expected to be happy through it all because you are about to have a baby.  I’m sure that there is no way that you could over love and over care for you sweety at this time.  In fact, if you try to “toughen her up a bit” she may show more exaggerated emotions in an attempt to make you understand her pain (have you ever coughed or sneezed a little louder just to make sure that others knew how sick you were?).  I suggest that you give this woman all the love and support you can.  Now I know men need clear instructions, so here are some quick tips for some of the common concerns of pregnancy (And when I say “DON’T”, I really mean “Not ever, under any circumstances!”). 

If you are worried about:

Her weight or eating habits 

DON’T even mention it.  I can guarantee that if you bring it up it will become worse out of sadness, rebellion, and hurt.

DO make her healthy meals, do the shopping for her, take her out on walking dates or to go swimming.

Her emotions

DON’T ignore her, get frustrated with her, try to talk her out of it, or say “it’s just because you are pregnant”.

DO hold her, listen to her, tell her that she has every right to feel the way she does, praise her for going through all this for the sake of your child.

Her laziness

DON’T complain, tease her about it, or get upset… EVER.  you may be allowed to discuss household concerns after the baby is 1.

DO clean for her at least one thing a day on a rotating basis.  ie: do the laundry on Monday, wash the dishes on Tuesday, clean the bedroom on Wednesday, pick up and do all the vacuuming on Thursday, and mop the kitchen on Friday.  Trust me, it takes too long to explain why this is magic.  Oh, and bring home a bouquet of flowers and put them in a nice vase in the middle of the kitchen table at least once a month.

Her lack of hygiene

DON’T complain, avoid her, or slack off on yours.

DO, tell her she is beautiful every day.  Get her out of the house, give her a reason to shower and dress.  Take her to buy a lovely, new outfit at least once during the 7th month of pregnancy, and once when the baby is 3-5 months old.

Wishing you both a Happy Parenthood!

Miss Knowitall

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15 Comments

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  1. iamemilyshaw / May 22 2007 2:08 pm

    wow … wish I had you around about 7 years ago when i was the pregnant wife and my husband was asking this very question … i’d have sent him a link, printed your list and posted it on the mirror in the bathroom and emailed him a copy to have on his desktop as a reminder! this is the best ‘how to deal with a pregnant wife’ advise i’ve read in a LONG time!

  2. zizi / Nov 9 2007 4:27 pm

    these are just the best advices any man can ever get…but can any man be such a considerate husband …some times i think they just can`t feel the way we feel ..they just cann`t…it`s not in there DNA !! they may do for some time but not all the time i think…. they simply cann`t feel the way we feel when we are pregnant…they think it`s natural and shouldn`t be that bad…they cann`t feel how much we need them in this time….no one else…only them..every word..look..touch…every thing matters…may be am little bit emotinalbecause am pregnant now…about 13 weeks…after 5 miscarriges.. and am little bit emotional…but that`s what i feel now..that they cann`t feel how much we need them in these haaaard moments ,even if we put reminders every where…i`ll give it a try… and see if he will realy feel me and understand me??…i really hope that..thanks again for your toutching words…

  3. Missybea / Nov 12 2007 2:35 pm

    Wow that was great. I came across this on line today because I am very frustrated with my husband right now. I am 24 weeks prenant after 2 misscarriages and I feel like I am getting nothing from him. He does not understand why I am tired, why I cant do his every bidding even on my day off. How do you explain to a man that even on my “day off” I am still growing a whole person!!! He has a really bad tooth ache right now and I am suppose to drop everything in life to get him an appointment to get it fixed. I feel bad because he is in a lot of pain, but where is my understanding when I am having a bad day. Where is his drop everything when I feel scared and parts of my body hurt that I did not know I had. Well I have printed your reply to “MAN” and I hope he can get something from it.

  4. Geoffrey / Jan 2 2008 8:56 am

    I laugh, as I am in the same boat as MAN – just married and expecting our first on Valentines Day. This was a God-sent…thanks very much for the advice and insight!

    My wife is 34 weeks along and absolutely miserable: sinus issues, joint pains, constipation issues, aches, pains, fatigue, inability to sleep, zero interest in food, heartburn, nausea, zero interest in intimacy, crabby, fluctuating hormones, daughter playing ping-pong with her innards…I think that more or less wraps it up. She is more than ready to be done being pregnant and has no issues saying so.

    I think that she has been so miserable for so long that these last six weeks seem like they will never end, and that is wearing her down. I have tried to be as supporting as possible, but is it very hard to help somebody when there is really nothing that you can do, apart from distracting her for a little while. That is probably where most of my disposition comes from – a horrid feeling of helplessness.

    As we are currently looking at another 6 inches of snow, I doubt that a shopping trip will work this evening, but perhaps an evening of Daddy cleaning house and Mommy enjoying some quality programming on Lifetime and enjoying some warm soup…

    Thanks very much and a Happy New Year to you all!

  5. Mallorie / Feb 21 2008 9:15 pm

    I definately think that all men should read this! I am currently 6.5 months along, and my emotions are over the top. I have never felt so many things at once, and I can’t seem to handle them, which throws me into constant breakdowns. My boyfriend dealt really well with it at first, but now it seems like he is just annoyed, and that just tends to make my breakdowns even worse! I know that it isn’t his fault that I am so emotional, but I can’t help it either. This is also my boyfriends third child. He has two from a previous marriage, but his ex-wife didn’t have emotions as bad as I do, so he thinks that I am just out of my mind. haha. He doesn’t understand that every pregnancy is different, and this is my first, so he needs to be cooperative with me. Like I said in the beginning, all expecting fathers, whether new dads or daddy veterans, should read this to keep them up to date. Thank You!

  6. RONNIE MORGAN NSEREKO / Feb 22 2009 12:44 am

    Hi there thanks for wonderful info for us under going this situation really i have been so much tough on my lovely not knowing its terrible for her on one side or the other surely i hope n promise to take this on .thanks

  7. Dustin / May 6 2009 12:48 pm

    This is absolutley retarded. SO just because you both made the choice to have a baby the male has to take all the abuse before the baby? I just want to be treated like a person too. I cant help the fact that everthing said is the wrong thing. I have tried and tried again and whenI try to care it is viewed as being a smartass and not really giving a shit about anything. Then I get yelled at more for aparently faking it. So yes I view this particular write up as dumb. Im sorry but I need a different angle here.

  8. vanny / Jun 30 2009 4:38 pm

    i wish, my husband would read this, or look up on the internet how to deal with wife when she is pregnant. my husband is hardly home… he works, eats and sleeps.. on his day off (sunday only) he relaxes at home ..and watches tv all day or play poker online. sad! lucky ladies out there…appriciate your hubby for even trying to read up and educate themselves to help u.

  9. Ashik / Aug 13 2009 7:18 am

    Hi Knowitall,
    I had a very rude conversation with my wife today. Every time I am thinking that I am right.
    I google for “What should a husband do if his wife is pregnant” and found your answer.
    I am really thankful to you, because the way you describe things is just like a mirror incident with my life.
    The issues I objected with her are same where you said “DON’T”
    Thanks for your wonderful suggestion.
    I will try your advise definitely.
    Thanks,
    Ashik

  10. matt / Dec 19 2009 12:47 am

    hi, i just want 2 say that was a great guide and i really appreciate the do and do not section lol, i just found out my girlfriend is 5 weeks pregnant and i couldnt be more excited, were not exactly prepared but who ever really is…and i dont care im gonna give them both everything they need no matter what i have to do i…FYI im printing this “how to handle the pregnant wife guide” and putting it in my wallet will read and study it haha, i hope i can make her as comfortable and happy as possible thru such a rough time for her, what can i say, i love her/them……also might i add since i see woman are seeing this :)..weve been together nine months and ive been in serious relationships before all over 3 yrs one that was 4 years, this one is something special different, its great….but what i wanna know is is it to soon to pop the big question? should i wait till the baby is born? i would really appreciate any feedback on this, thank you i nadvance :)

  11. Alex K / Dec 21 2009 10:09 am

    Hi, just want to say thank you for sharing good tips. Me and my wife and newly weds and we just found our that we are pregnant for the first time! I am really exited and at the same time worried that I would be all the help and support she needs during her tough moments.I read books on pregnancy but can never learn enough… Thank you so much for sharing a piece of advise!

  12. Mark / Feb 14 2010 9:53 am

    I am really glad to find what appears to be such helpful information. My wife is currently 5 weeks into it. I am on a contract in Iraq for work. She is at home with here Mom and Dad while I am here, and I know that they are taking good care of her, but I really wish there was more I could do. I am in a really tough situation with this because I am here, and I can’t just leave my job until we are absolutely positive that all of our affairs are in order. I guess at this point I will just have to do what I can over the phone for her, at least until I can make it back home.

  13. yasim / Mar 2 2010 8:07 am

    Hey guys … my wife is 5months pregnant and so far it has been truly a wonderful feeling . The experience is just out of this world.
    As for the advise given above , for me it all just came naturally .
    As each day goes by i find myself finding more and more reasons to love her even more. There are things as a father to be that just comes with instinct and should not have to be told , its the ultimate test of how strong you love and relationship is. To me my wife even though she added 25lbs , i still find her sexually attractive . Becoming parents builds a stronger bond , if there is no bond then thats where problems begins. When a woman is pregnant we have to avoid getting her frustrated , meaning …. just do what any loving, caring and concerened husband supposed to do and everything will be wonderful. Like i said its something to be enjoyed as long as you know what to do to make it that way …. Yes my wife is happy and contented , most of all excited to become a mommy …

  14. Charles from grays Essex / Mar 6 2010 4:21 pm

    Dear miss knowtall,
    When i read the post and the reply its like the guy is using me as an example.
    My wife is pregnant for the 1st time,9wks and i taught she is just punishing me,thank God someone else is in my shoes.
    i will carry on with my cross,you said after 9months and one year?i will wait till then,i cant wait for everything to be back to normal.

  15. michael maboe / Apr 30 2010 1:42 am

    hi guys dam me an my wife fight a lot and the other thing is she is short tempered like me so she cries a lot an sometimes she feels like aborting and it makes me angry an we end up fighting i dont know what to do anymore couse i am very supportive but she cant see it, but i will try the ideas guys tanx

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