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November 21, 2006 / missknowitall

Pleasing my sister but not my man.

Dear Little Miss,

I have a younger sister who I love and adore.  I let her live with my family for a year till she was on her feet, and I continue to do any little thing she asks of me even though she lives half an hour away from me.  Despite all my effort she tends to treat me carelessly and seems ungrateful for what I do.  To make things worse, now this is causing problems between me and my husband.  He thinks I help her too much without her giving back.  Now he becomes testy and moody anytime he hears mention of my sister.  Help!  How do I make everyone happy, including myself?

Dear Pleasing,

There is the ancient saying “He who tries to please everyone ends up pleasing no one”.  If your sister isn’t grateful for all you do, it may be that she doesn’t really need, or possibly even want, all that help.  People have a tendency to take all the “free” they can get and if your services are that cheap she will have no end to her needs and demands.  As for your husband, he is probably feeling frustrated more than anything.  Men instinctively want to protect the ones they love.  He probably sees the way your sister treats you as an abuse to you, yet his hands are tied.  He can’t step in and protect you if you are willingly taking this abuse and then asking for more.  Imagine he is your knight in shining armor and every time he tries to come in and save you from the dragon, you run right back for more proclaiming “But, she’s my sister”.  That doesn’t allow him to be a very valiant knight, now does it?  I suggest that you take a break from lavishing your attention on the ungrateful sister, maybe she will learn gratitude when she feels the loss of all you do, and give some of that extra attention to your husband and to someone else who may truly need it.  Thank your husband for caring about your feelings and for wanting to protect you.  Tell him how you feel about your sister and why you were doing all those things.  Then let him know how much you love him.    

Pleasantly,

Miss Knowitall 

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One Comment

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  1. anordinarymom / Jan 20 2007 11:06 pm

    Welcome to the wonderful world of blogging!

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