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April 9, 2007 / missknowitall

Dramatic Friendship Coming to an End

Dear Little Miss,

I have been friends with a co-worker “Sarah” for a year now. She has a chronic
lung condition where she needs a lot of medical attention, a lot  of the time.
I am always there for her to take her to the hospital or help her at work.
She was seeing a guy who dumped her 3 times in a row by never calling her
again. I tried to be supportive, but told her I think he is really mean to her
for doing this. Well, he has finally broken up with her again (for the 4th
time). This was about 4 weeks ago.
Well, she needs to have surgery next week and I have told her I would take
her because she has no one else that could take her. Wellllll…
We got a raise at work this week, and she got a lower raise than me, and she
has been on a tirade that she deserves a better raise than anyone she works
with, and how she works harder than everyone else and very snappy at me. (I
was trained on the job for our job, where she went to school, and I make
more than her, but I didnt tell her that I got a larger raise…) I have
been being nothing but supportive and I get all of the brunt of her being
mean.
Now she is becoming friendly with a girl we work with who is not a friend of
mine at all, (VERY mean to her co-workers and our patients) and then asked
the new friend to take her to the hospital, and told me that, “It didn’t matter if I
wanted to go or not” because this other girl is going now.
Now I feel totally dumped as a friend, and I am sick of her being so nasty
to me, and acting like she needs to be put up on a pedestal. I think I need
to let her be with her new friend, and I need to find some new people to
talk to, because she is totally bringing me down.
Should I even say anything, or should I just pretend everything is OK, let
them be, and move on with my life? I don’t think I want to be her friend
anymore. Am I crazy for all of the drama?!?

Dear Dramatic Friendship,

I don’t think this has been as dramatic as it could have been, or could end up being.  I suggest you go with your second idea and “pretend everything is OK, let them be, and move one with your life”.  To say anything about her new friend or her current treatment of you would only dramatize the whole thing and probably give you an ulcer in the end.  She is pulling away from you, she is bringing you down, you aren’t even sure if you want to be her friend anymore.  Sounds like it is time to let this friendship go and spend your time and energy creating new and better ones.  You should even be grateful to miss “New Friend” for taking her off your hands so that you don’t have to do any of the dirty work =).  I will add some extra advice here (I know, giving unsolicited advice is a big no-no but it is one of my guilty pleasures): Even if you two are no longer friends, you should try to remain amicable co-workers.  When she has her surgery you should send her a “Get well”, or a “Thinking of you” card, or bring her flowers and have a quick visit.  Don’t speak ill of her or her new friend.  I’m sure that Sarah’s new friend would like nothing more than to have you behave like a jealous, ex-friend so don’t give her anything to sneer about.  Just be kind and polite.  If Sarah tries to rekindle your friendship then you can tell her how she made you feel and let her know that that kind of treatment won’t work if you are to be friends again.  

May your new friends be better friends.

Miss Knowitall   

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