What Should I Do About My Pregnant Wife?
Dear Little Miss,
I am newly married, and to add on to that, my wife and I are expecting our
first child (which is great, and a blessing). As you well know, with
pregnancy comes sickness. My wife gets sick a lot. She throws up, has sinus
congestion, fatigue, and emotional spasms. She will get all depressed, and
wonder if it is worth it, and get so upset and feel that it is all hopeless.
I know it is only the emotions talking, since I know she doesn’t really feel
that way, and gets better. So I query, what can I, as an unknowing husband
do, to make her as comfortable as possible. I want her to be at as ease as
she can, yet I know it is a growing time for her, and I shouldn’t baby her.
Like with any human, or animal, you can only help so much before it hinders.
So what can I do to be the best help to my wife?
It sounds like you are a very sensitive and caring hubby. But, just to make sure you have a full understanding of what is going on inside your wife’s head right now I want you to play a little mind game with me. Have you ever been tired or exhausted and, as a result, said, or did things that you regretted? Have you ever been sick and felt like you would rather have the earth swallow you up, than have to take another breath? Have you ever felt like your parents, boss, or your friends expected too much of you and you wished they would all just leave you alone? I’m sure you’ve felt all these at various times in your life, but they were likely (and hopefully), very short moments in your life. Now, imagine having all those feelings going on at the same time, continuously, for 9 months, plus another year after that. Now add in a total inability to control your body, from urination, and sexual desires, to crying. And add to all of this the fact that you are expected to be happy through it all because you are about to have a baby. I’m sure that there is no way that you could over love and over care for you sweety at this time. In fact, if you try to “toughen her up a bit” she may show more exaggerated emotions in an attempt to make you understand her pain (have you ever coughed or sneezed a little louder just to make sure that others knew how sick you were?). I suggest that you give this woman all the love and support you can. Now I know men need clear instructions, so here are some quick tips for some of the common concerns of pregnancy (And when I say “DON’T”, I really mean “Not ever, under any circumstances!”).
If you are worried about:
Her weight or eating habits
DON’T even mention it. I can guarantee that if you bring it up it will become worse out of sadness, rebellion, and hurt.
DO make her healthy meals, do the shopping for her, take her out on walking dates or to go swimming.
DON’T ignore her, get frustrated with her, try to talk her out of it, or say “it’s just because you are pregnant”.
DO hold her, listen to her, tell her that she has every right to feel the way she does, praise her for going through all this for the sake of your child.
DON’T complain, tease her about it, or get upset… EVER. you may be allowed to discuss household concerns after the baby is 1.
DO clean for her at least one thing a day on a rotating basis. ie: do the laundry on Monday, wash the dishes on Tuesday, clean the bedroom on Wednesday, pick up and do all the vacuuming on Thursday, and mop the kitchen on Friday. Trust me, it takes too long to explain why this is magic. Oh, and bring home a bouquet of flowers and put them in a nice vase in the middle of the kitchen table at least once a month.
Her lack of hygiene
DON’T complain, avoid her, or slack off on yours.
DO, tell her she is beautiful every day. Get her out of the house, give her a reason to shower and dress. Take her to buy a lovely, new outfit at least once during the 7th month of pregnancy, and once when the baby is 3-5 months old.
Wishing you both a Happy Parenthood!