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August 8, 2007 / missknowitall

Why Dating is Not The Same As Marriage

Dear Little Miss,

I’m in need of some advice. My girlfriend and I have had a great relationship.  We found out she was pregnant in early April and she was so happy; the look on her face was so beautiful. My love for her, since the baby, has tripled and I have been educating myself with books and internet on how to deal with pregnancy and becoming a father. This week has been the roughest ever, we have never had fights or major arguments, and if something is wrong we address it. Tuesday we had agreed to go out before she left, she’s going to her family’s place on vacation. So when I arrived she said we have to talk. She explains to me that she does not feel the same way towards me as I do towards her… Last week was great, she was telling me she loves me…. My heart has never felt so torn.  I just do not know what I can do… She doesn’t know why she lost her feelings but they’re just not there…I haven’t been able to go to work or eat or sleep and when I do I’m dreaming about it, waking up in tears… I don’t know what to do…. I feel lost when I think of her as not my partner with my child… does being pregnant make her like this?

please help

Regards

Loving Boyfriend

Dear Loving,

I once heard it said, “Parents should be made before the children, not the other way around.”  I’m sorry to have to say this to you, but this is one of the reasons why it is a good idea to wait until after marriage to engage in intercourse.  Seriously, if you are going to sleep with someone there will always be the ‘risk’ of conception and just because you’ve created a child does not mean you’ve created love between you and the other parent.  Your girlfriend may have seemed “in love” with you because she was trying to make it work for the sake of a baby.  Or maybe her feelings just simply changed over time.  Yes, pregnancy could definitely have helped those feelings change.  Pregnancy makes everything change.  The only thing I can tell you is to be a good daddy to your coming child and play it safe next time around.  Now, instead of focusing on the loss of your girlfriend’s affection, start focusing on your coming child.  Shape your life so that you can give your child the life you want him/her to have.  Work on your career, create a stable environment around you, find and build healthy relationships with friends and family.  Find joy in the controls that you still have over your life.

Miss Knowitall  

P.S. I know, I know… Marriage doesn’t guarantee a happy ending either.  But marriage is supposed to mean that you are sure that you are willing to spend the rest of your life with another person despite the emotional upheaval that pregnancy (and other things) can cause, and that they feel the same towards you.  That is why it is considered a contract between partners.  Dating with sex, or “moving in together” is like starting a partnership in a company without a written contract.  Think about it.     

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