An Over Loving MIL

Dear Little Miss,

HI… I have a problem with my overly loving MIL.  She has single handedly raised her two sons. My husband is the younger one and we have been married for just 8 months.  Until now, I have been in the good book of my MIL. My problem is that she takes way too much interest in our house.  This time she bought curtains of her own choice, properly made to be hung at our place. I don’t like them at all.  I don’t know how to tell her I don’t like them and her son, my husband, refuses to do anything that might hurt her feelings.  There other things too, she gives us open advice, and many times does things which I feel only I should do as I am the homemaker and she is the guest.  I am in India, and here parents are like Gods.  I don’t object to this, in fact I fully support it.  My MIL is an adorable lady, she doesn’t get into hassles with my or even my SIL(her elder DIL).  But, if she keeps getting things for us like this, I may not be in her good book for long, and my ego is being hurt big time. My husband can’t get this point for reasons obvious to all.  Please suggest how to stop this gesture of love from MIL without hurting her feelings.  Thank you!!

Dear DIL From India,

We Americans may not see our parents as Gods but we all have issues with our MILs.  I am very tempted to tell you to return the favor by buying your MIL some very ugly decorations for her home, like some fluorescent, velvet posters of Mickey Mouse… but that is just the devil in me =).  Really the best way to get her to stop is with the honest compliment.  If she gives you a gift when other people are around, thank her and wait till you can get her alone (this is to save her from any humiliation).  When you get her alone tell her something like this, “Mom, I care for you and respect you so much that I want to always be honest with you.  I am so touched by your generosity and all you do for us.  I am sad because these curtains just really aren’t going to work for me and I don’t want you to waste your money on me.  I do think I need new curtains and I would love if we could pick them out together and maybe go out to lunch afterwords.”  She may get offended but in the end I think she will appreciate your honesty and recognize your love for her.  And if she shops with you enough times she may get a feel for what you do like and therefore become better at picking things out for you.  As for her doing too many things around your house, just firmly tell her that she is your mother and your guest and that you want the honor of having her relax in your home.  I am sorry to have to tell you that there isn’t anything you can do about the advice but smile and say thanks.  It is a mother’s job, and God given right, to give too much advice to her children.   

Honestly yours,

Miss Knowitall